This picture isn't a very good picture, it was taken with my phone in poor lighting in a rush to make sure I captured this moment. This moment and the dreams come true that this picture represents are priceless.
I had just come home from Walmart with all 3 kiddos. The twins had fallen asleep in the van, so Michael came in with me while I unloaded a few groceries saying "I need to let Ruger out" (of his kennel) which he did as soon as he walked through the door. I put one of the twins down in their cribs to nap and came around the corner to go back to the car and saw Michael sitting like this with Ruger, petting him, they both were smiling like they didn't have a care in the world.
I stopped when I saw this, it melted my heart. There is just something about a boy and his dog. I grabbed my camera because I wanted to remember this sweet moment.
I realized later why catching this moment moved me so much. We got Ruger when he was just a tiny fuzzball. So cute and precious and so much like the baby we so desperately wanted.
Most people don't look at our little family and think we would have struggled with infertility. We've got 3 tiny kids close together and the twins were kind of an accident, but infertility comes in all shapes and sizes. I wasn't super quiet about our struggle. I wanted to talk about it, I wanted people to know it didn't have to be a taboo topic, I wanted to not feel alone. For me, despite the fact that we got pregnant quickly with the twins, I'll always feel like it's going to take us a long time to have another child or that this one might be our last (which at this point with 3, we are blessed either way), but it's just a feeling (maybe even a label?) that I'll always feel.
So that picture means a lot more to me than just a boy and his dog. It is the dreams come to life that I never knew would. I always hoped but there was still that awful pit in my stomach that said what if that's just not for us? Ruger became "our first baby."
So this is a picture of both of our "first baby's" Something I saw in my head probably a thousand time before Michael was conceived. We are truly blessed.